The experience was a Gethsemane to C.T. Every now and then his letters echoed both what it cost him to be misunderstood and how he longed for a new spirit in their midst:
"Sometimes I feel, and especially of late, that my cross is heavy beyond endurance, and I fear I often feel like fainting under it, but I hope to go on and not faint. My heart seems worn out and bruised beyond repair, and in my deep loneliness I often wish to be gone, but God knows best, and I want to do every ounce of work He wants me to do."
"And in another letter. What a difference love does make. The Saviour knew it and commanded it. Can't we all love out here? Must we deny our Lord by unworthy suspicion of each other? Suspicions subtract, faith adds, but love multiplies; it blesses twice, him who gets and him who gives. Oh, how I long for love to dominate every soul-when each loves everyone else but himself, and seeks everyone's good, while he goes, like Paul, collecting all other people's sufferings and sorrows to bear them himself. Let this be the rule of H.A.M., then there will be no rules, for the rule of love keeps automatically all good rules. His ministers He has made 'a flame of fire'-not flames, but 'a flame'; for there is and must be a blessed unity, else the Lord cannot bless as He would."
The break came one night in 1925. That night a new Mission was born, or rather the original Mission reborn; and from that night the issue of the conflict has never been in doubt, for God had begun to raise a new generation of "unconquerables" baptized with the same Spirit as possessed those men and women of old, one of whom said, "Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him," another, "If I perish, I perish," and others, "Our God is able to deliver us, but if not, we will not serve thy gods."
Bwana came to prayers that night in Ibambi greatly burdened about the condition of things, and feeling that somehow or other there must come an explosion of spiritual dynamite which would clean out the hindrances and leave room for the Spirit to work again. There were some eight missionaries gathered with him. They were reading together his favorite chapter on the heroes of faith in Hebrews 11.
"But shall we, can it be possible that such as we shall march up the Golden Street with such as these? It shall be for such as are found worthy! Then there is a chance for us yet! Glory! Hallelujah! Hearts begin to burn! The glory of the deeds of these heroes of old seems to scorch hearts and souls. What noble and utter sacrifices they made! How God honored and blessed them, and made them a blessing to others-then, in their lifetime, yes, and now here tonight! What was the spirit which caused these mortals so to triumph and to die? The Holy Spirit of God, one of whose chief characteristics is a pluck, a bravery, a lust for sacrifice for God, and a joy in it which crucifies all human weakness and the natural desires of the flesh. This is our need tonight! Will God give to us as He gave to them? Yes! What are the conditions? They are ever the same, 'Sell out!' God's price is one. There is no discount. He gives all to such as give all. All! All! Death to ALL the world, to ALL the flesh, to the devil, and to perhaps the worst enemy of all—YOURSELF"
But how illustrate so great a matter? The talk turned to the Great War and the heroism of the British Tommy, who went "over the top" at the word of command, and did it knowing all the odds were against his coming back alive. But how describe this spirit? The question was asked of some who were present and had been soldiers, and one replied, "Well, the way the Sergeant major would describe it is that Tommy doesn't care a d_______ what happens to him so long as he does his duty by his king, his country, his regiment and himself." Those words were the spark just needed to set the train alight. Bwana arose, raised his arm and said, "That is what we need, and that is what I want! Oh, Lord, henceforth I won't care what happens to me, life or death, aye, or hell, so long as my Lord Jesus Christ is glorified." One after another all who were present rose and made the same vow, "I don't care what happens to me, joy or sorrow, health or pain, life or death, so long as Jesus is glorified."
"The books were closed, heads were bowed once more in silent prayer, then all arose to disperse. But it was a new company that left the hut that night, and by no means the company that had entered it two hours before. There was a laughter on their faces, and a sparkle in their eyes, a joy and a love unspeakable, for each had become a soldier, a devotee to death for the glory of King Jesus his Saviour, who Himself had died for him; the joy of battle possessed them, that joy that Peter described as 'unspeakable."'
Many vows of consecration had been taken in the past, but this was something profounder. The Tommy was willing to die though he never saw the victory; the men of faith of Hebrews 11 died "not having received the promises," "not accepting deliverance"; and those who took this vow were now sworn to rejoice in God and shout His praises, not merely when things went well, but in starvation, in insult, in apparent failure, in death, in the fulfillment of their commission to preach the gospel to the heathen. They had become "unconquerables"; for those who have died in spirit already and by their own choice are beyond being moved by the threats and assaults of the devil, and are already living a resurrected and ascended life, using every test or assault of the devil as more fuel for the flames of faith and praise and love.
It was the Lost Chord of early Christianity revived-those men whose honor was to suffer for Christ, who sang praises with bleeding backs and feet in the stocks, who had the faces of angels and prayed for their enemies when being battered to death by a howling mob.
The blessing spread to the remotest station. From that time to this there has been no check on the field to the unity, love, joy in sacrifice, zeal for the souls of the people, which has laid hold of the Crusaders in the Heart of Africa. Not a murmur is heard, however short funds may be, but only expressions of praise and trust in God. It is hard to get anyone to go on furlough unless health really demands it; and when any do come, as soon as they arrive home, their first question is not "How long can I rest?" but "How can I help in the work here?" and "How soon can I go back?" Married couples put their work before their homes; one bridal couple, a few days after their marriage, even offered to separate and be on different stations for the time being, owing to shortage of workers. Single women go on long evangelizing treks among the villages, where there is a shortage of men; in one district, the worst cannibal in the region, who was reputed to have "a hundred black men inside him," was led to Christ by a single woman missionary who visited his village. Two of the most thriving stations with congregations from five hundred to sometimes as many as fifteen hundred are "manned" by single women only. In some places where there have been only two workers, they have sacrificed human companionship and voluntarily separated in order that one may go farther afield and evangelize a new area, although the usual plan of the Mission is to place them in couples. Even in sudden and tragic bereavement they have been triumphant, and glorified God at the graveside, as did one young Crusader who lost his bride but a few months after marriage. He laid her in the grave himself and praised God with such a joyful countenance for her triumphant entry into His presence, and spoke with such victory, that two nuns present admitted afterwards that he had found something in religion of which they knew nothing.
In a short time the blessing spread to the native church. Bwana again led the way by going around and presenting a new challenge to genuine repentance and willingness to leave all sin, as the only basis to true faith in the atoning blood and reception of the Holy Ghost. The challenge bit deep in a way that had never been seen before. The fear of God came on the people. The easy and light way in which many had responded to such appeals before had gone, and in its place was an obvious awakening to the cost of following Christ, and an acceptance of the challenge by one here, and another there, instead of in a mass. Gradually the number increased, but what a difference in them! Here were the evidences of the Holy Ghost beginning to show themselves, for which the missionaries had prayed and labored: a brightness in their faces, new life in the praying, a hatred of sin, deceit and impurity, and an exposure of it when found in their midst. The station work began to be done willingly and well; the spirit of evangelism came upon many. "The work is reaching a sure foundation at last," wrote C.T., "and now we will go bounding forward. Oh, it is good to be in a stiff fight for Jesus." Adzangwe, for instance, one of the worst cannibals and ringleader in all evil, with a face which told its own tale of debauchery, and yet who had been a professed believer some years, was miraculously changed. His whole face lit up. He took the lead in his church of five hundred. He went evangelizing among the surrounding chiefs, and was imprisoned for his testimony, and then got prisoners saved. He and Mr. Studd, though such leagues apart in upbringing, became like two brothers. So inspiring was his example that his church sends out no less than fifty evangelists today, all supported by the native Christians, and many to distant tribes. Another Christian was beaten for witnessing, and instead of thinking himself harshly dealt with, rose and wanted to shake hands with the chief for giving him the honor of a beating for Jesus. For that he got another beating, so this time remained on his knees and prayed for the chief. He was thrust into jail; but within a few hours a whole group of his fellow Christians had gone to the chief asking that they too might have the honor of being put in prison for Jesus along with their brother! Lately, since Bwana's death, forty-seven natives have spent all one night in prayer, saying that they had often danced all night for the devil and would now pray all night to God. And so the list might be prolonged.
Thus Bwana began to see the desire of his heart: a holy, Spirit-filled crusader church, in the Heart of Africa. The last five years of his life were now given to getting more and more of the people saved and filled with the Holy Ghost, and spurring them on to fight for Jesus. Only one verse seems to fit these years: "The zeal of Thine house hath eaten me up." He literally lived his vow lived for Christ and souls. Things that normally take a large place in a man's life were reduced to the absolute minimum or ignored altogether: food, just a plateful at odd hours; sleep, about four hours in twenty-four; holidays, not a day in thirteen years; comforts, the next chapter will describe his "home"; clothes, khaki coat and shirt, breeches and stockings, Sundays and weekdays alike; books, practically only the Bible.
Norman Grubb, C.T. Studd, Cricketer & Pioneer (Fort Washington, PA: Christian Literature Crusade, 2001) pp 184 - 188.