"When a desired object is so firmly denied as to remove all hope, the mind will soon cease to long for it, and will become occupied in other pursuits; but so long as there is any hope of gaining it, a persistent effort will be made for its attainment."
Is Coaxing Our Children To Obey Okay?
No! It is the "worst evil."
Genesis 18:17-19 (NKJV) 17 "And the LORD said, 'Shall I hide from Abraham what I am doing, 18 since Abraham shall surely become a great and mighty nation, and all the nations of the earth shall be blessed in him? 19 For I have known him, in order that he may command his children and his household after him, that they keep the way of the LORD, to do righteousness and justice, that the LORD may bring to Abraham what He has spoken to him.'"
Colossians 3:20 (NKJV) "Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord."
Children, he helpful to your mother. Obey her word promptly, and the Lord will bless you. God said, “I know Abraham, that he will”—coax? no;—“that he will command his children and his household after him, and they will keep the way of the Lord to do justice and judgment.” [Genesis 18:19.] God expects parents to bring their children up to obey Him. Should your father and mother allow you to do wrong things, without correcting you, they would displease God. Those parents who allow children to have their own way are neglecting their duty, and God will hold them accountable for not restraining their children. Many parents indulge their children and thus encourage habits that ought to be corrected. Unless these habits are corrected, the children will grow up with unlovely, disagreeable characters. 19LtMs, Lt 319, 1904, par. 14 God wants you, Henry and Herbert, to behave like little gentlemen. When you speak kind words and do right deeds, you are forming characters that God can approve. He will be pleased to call you the lambs of His flock, and He will bless you. 19LtMs, Lt 319, 1904, par. 15 The angels of heaven are guarding and guiding you constantly, always keeping you from harm and danger. I pray that your words and acts may be such that God can look upon them with approval. Dear children, do not allow yourselves to do one wrong act. Your father and mother love you, but they cannot love wrongdoing. They are made very sorry when you do wrong. Will you not try to remember this? Will you not try to overcome all your faults because you love Jesus who gave His life for you? 19LtMs, Lt 319, 1904, par. 16 Indulgence hurts the characters of children and makes them such as God cannot approve. Your father and mother are trying to bring you up to be unselfish, truthful, kind, tenderhearted. They want to help you to prepare for the mansions that Christ has gone to prepare for you. He has promised to come again and take you to Himself, that where He is, there you may be also. Then put away every fault, and prepare yourselves to be received into the heavenly home, where you will be happy forever and ever. 19LtMs, Lt 319, 1904, par. 1
We urge that the principles of temperance be carried into all the details of home-life that the example of the parents should be a lesson of temperance; that self-denial and self-control should be taught to the children and enforced upon them, so far as consistent from babyhood. And first it is important that the little ones be taught that they eat to live, not live to eat; that appetite must be held in abeyance to the will; and that the will must be governed by calm, intelligent reason. Much parental anxiety and grief might be saved if children were taught from their cradles that their wills were not to be made law, and their whims continually indulged. It is not so difficult as is generally supposed to teach the little child to stifle its outbursts of temper and subdue its fits of passion. HR April 1, 1877, par. 9 Few parents begin early enough to teach their children obedience. The child is usually allowed to get two or three years the start of its parents, who forbear to discipline it, thinking it is too young to learn to obey. But all this time self is growing strong in the little being, and every day makes it a harder task for the parent to gain control of the child. At a very early age children can comprehend what is plainly and simply told them; and by kind and judicious management can be taught to obey. I have frequently seen children who were denied something that they wanted throw themselves upon the floor in a pet, kicking and screaming, while the injudicious mother alternately coaxed and scolded in the hope of restoring her child to good nature. This treatment only fosters the child's passion. The next time it goes over the same ground with increased willfulness, confident of gaining the day as before. Thus the rod is spared and the child is spoiled. HR April 1, 1877, par. 10 The mother should not allow her child to gain an advantage over her in a single instance. And, in order to maintain this authority, it is not necessary to resort to harsh measures; as firm, steady hand and a kindness which convinces the child of your love will accomplish the purpose. But let selfishness, anger, and self-will have its course for the first three years of a child's life, and it will be hard to bring it to submit to wholesome discipline. Its disposition has become soured; it delights in having its own way; parental control is distasteful. These evil tendencies grow with its growth, until in manhood supreme selfishness and a lack of self-control place him at the mercy of the evils that run riot in our land. HR April 1, 1877, par. 11
Firmness and decision are necessary. I have known parents to say, You cannot have this or that, and then relent, thinking they may be too strict, and give the child the very thing they at first refused. A life-long injury is thus inflicted. It is an important law of the mind—one which should not be overlooked—that when a desired object is so firmly denied as to remove all hope, the mind will soon cease to long for it, and will become occupied in other pursuits; but so long as there is any hope of gaining it, a persistent effort will be made for its attainment. ST March 11, 1886, Art. A, par. 12 When it is necessary for parents to give a direct command, the penalty for disobedience should be as unvarying as are the laws of nature. Children who are under this firm, decisive rule, know that when a thing is forbidden or denied, no teasing or artifice will secure their object; hence they soon learn to submit, and are much happier in so doing. The children of undecided and overindulgent parents have a constant hope that they may gain their end by coaxing, crying, or sullenness, or that they may venture to disobey without suffering the penalty. Thus they are kept in a state of suspense, which makes them restless, irritable, and insubordinate. God holds such parents guilty of wrecking the happiness of their children. This wicked mismanagement is the key to the impenitence and irreligion of thousands. It has proved the ruin of many who have professed the Christian name. In many cases the restless, rebellious spirit, unsubdued in youth, creates disturbance in the church. Many church trials may be traced to defective family government. Intemperance and crime of every degree are often the fruits of seed sown by parents. ST March 11, 1886, Art. A, par. 13 Let none imagine, however, that harshness and severity are necessary to secure obedience. I have seen the most efficient family government maintained without a harsh word or look. I have been in other families where commands were constantly given in an authoritative tone, and harsh rebukes and severe punishments were often administered. In the first case the children followed the course pursued by the parents, and seldom spoke to one another in harsh tones. In the second also the parental example was imitated by the children; and cross words, fault-findings, and disputes were heard from morning till night. ST March 11, 1886, Art. A, par. 14 Fathers and mothers, you are teachers; your children are the pupils. Your tones of voice, your deportment, your spirit, are copied by your little ones. You should be united in their government. Study their dispositions with care, and together seek wisdom and strength from God to deal with them aright. If you attempt to govern without exercising self-control, without system, thought, and prayer, you will most assuredly reap the bitter consequences. But when you have faithfully done your duty, you may then ask the Lord to do for your children that which you cannot do. And having trained them in the way they should go, you will find that when old they will not depart from it. ST March 11, 1886, Art. A, par. 15
The idea that we must submit to the ways of perverse children, is a mistake. Even kindness must have its limits.Authority must be sustained by a firm severity, or it will be received by many with mockery and contempt. The so-called tenderness, the coaxing and the indulgence used toward youth, by parents and guardians, is the worst evil which can come upon them. Firmness, decision, positive requirements, are essential in every family. Parents, take up your neglected responsibilities; educate your children after God's plan, showing “forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.” [1 Peter 2:9.]—“Testimony,” No. 31. CE 240.2
Parents will have much to answer for in the day of accounts because of their wicked indulgence of their children. Many gratify every unreasonable wish, because it is easier to be rid of their importunity in this way than in any other. A child should be so trained that a refusal would be received in the right spirit and accepted as final. CG 273.2